Sunday, February 9, 2014

From the Fellas: Turn-offs When Dating (Part 3)

I must begin this post with an apology.  I am sorry it has taken me so long to write the final installment for this topic.  Life has taken a hectic turn as I prepare to leave South Korea in a few short weeks.  However, I wanted to make sure I posted part three before I leave, so here it is...

Just to refresh everyone's memory...I interviewed my guy friends, asking them what are their top three turn-offs when they have been on 3-5 dates with a female.  Number three was a bit difficult to narrow down.  I found that most, if not all, of the fellas agreed with numbers one and two, but they scattered on their final turn-off.

The majority seemed to take issue with females sharing too much information.  Some guys were turned-off when a date revealed too much about herself and others didn't like when their date would share too much personal information about the guy with her friends/social media.  I quickly realized how guilty I was of doing both of those things.  I also realized that almost every female friend I have is just as guilty as me.

I am the first person to admit I reveal way too much about myself way too quickly.  I have the "my life is an open book" policy.  On first dates, I tend suffer from verbal vomit.  I'm a talker and I do so love the sound of my own voice.  This makes for a terrible first date.  Now, don't get me wrong.  I sit and listen to his stories.  I ask him questions about his life.  It isn't completely about me, but once the topic turns toward me...look out!  It took until very recently for me to realize how bad this is and how much I volunteer information.  I noticed that a guy I have been seeing for a couple of months stopped asking me how my day went or if I had any plans for the weekend.  It bugged me!  I finally asked him why he stopped.  His answer..."because you will tell me before I even get the chance to ask."  Ouch.  He was right.  I always spout off details of my day/week, what I plan to do after work, who I talked to on Skype.  You name it, I told it.  I am the least mysterious person I know.  Since this eye-opening conversation, I have been working on not informing him of my every moment.  It takes some effort because, as I mentioned, I am a talker.  Of course, being a talker also causes me to reveal information to the gals...

Whenever we have a first date, the female friends circle.  They come around to help choose an outfit or do your hair and they reappear as soon as the date ends because, well, they want the details.  I don't think men mind when we share the normal stuff like where we went, what he wore, how he smelled, what we ordered, did he open doors...that kind of stuff.  Where the issue comes in is when we reveal their personal information to our gal pals.  We are all guilty of telling our besties about his previous relationship or relaying a personal story he shared with us.  After thinking about this, I can't say I blame them for being turned-off.  The world doesn't need to be involved in every single detail of this guy's life!

When we are in the getting to know each other phase of dating, we need to leave some things to the imagination.  This is the stage where we learn about each other, so if one of the parties involved tells their entire life story over the fried onion appetizer at a steakhouse (not a great food choice for a first date, by the way) then there is nothing left to learn.  Also, we need to stop repeating his personal information to the friends.  Let things stay between the two of you.  If he says something that makes you wonder if you should continue seeing him, then discuss it with a close friend, but don't plaster it on Facebook.  In short, sometimes we just need to keep our mouths closed!

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